


Clean Eyes

by Chandni



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Hurt Alec, Husbands to Lovers, M/M, Raj is Alec's first love but they break up, Slow Burn, Tags and warnings will be updated as we go, lonely Magnus, married Malec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 14:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20836874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chandni/pseuds/Chandni
Summary: Alec gets into an arranged marriage with Magnus despite being madly in love with Raj. What happens when his husband finds out that their marriage will never be fulfilled?This story is essentially an adventure of two troubled souls saving each other.





	Clean Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> EEEEEEEEEEEP!  
This is my first multichaptered fic. It is the first thing I started writing on Malec. Started out as a drunken idea to malec-ise a bollywood film, it has run far off from the original work, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. You still might find resemblances if you've watched the film. Please be kind while reading, I am new to this. :D
> 
> Thank you Suhasini(@patronusmalec) for the film ref and all the support. <3  
Thank you Ashna, mi amor for betaing it. ilyx
> 
> Title from the song by SYML

At 23, Alec was content with where he was in his life. Having come of age, he was starting to learn the basic functioning of his family business as he was supposed to eventually take over the company. He came out to his family when he was 16 although this revelation was not truly out of choice. His parents, Robert and Maryse, had found his magazine stash. Despite that, shockingly, they were not stunned. They had talked to him about his sexuality very openly and not even for a single minute, had they made him feel bad, small or unaccepted about his preferences.  
Still, he had never dated. He had always been focused on his studies and his career, always busy with his school work, internships and part time jobs. His priorities never made any room for love or dating. Of course, he also had Isabelle and Jace’s drama to deal with. They created trouble with almost everyone: each other, their parents, their partners and anyone else who was breathing on this planet.

It was a week after he had started working with his dad when he met him. He had just entered his office when he was being introduced to this guy who seemed too joyful for anyone’s good. Now, Alec always knew he was a class A grump but he had never in his life seen someone as gleeful as this man. Wait, what was his name? Alec hadn’t caught his name in the mix of judging the guy and hating himself for not drinking enough coffee to deal with something this cheerful.  
He noticed the guy’s extended hand.  
“Hi! I am Alec” “Yes, your father just told me,'' the guy said.  
“Alec” Robert called to get their attention. “He is a new trainee and is going to be training along with you. We are looking at him to be your second in command when you take on your rightful position at the company. Now since you and him, both need to know almost the same kind of work and need a good working rapport, the HR has suggested to train you two together. Please guide him through the schedule and the work you have been dealing with for the past week.”  
“Okay dad!”  
“Thank you so much for the opportunity, sir! I will not disappoint you. This means a lot to me. This is the chance of my lifetime” said the newcomer and received a wholly disgusted look from Alec.  
How can it be a chance of his lifetime? What is this guy? Why in the world was he stuck with this random unnecessarily jovial stranger? Will he survive this guy? Oh, no! He might soon become his second in command! Is he going to suffer for the rest of his life?  
“That’s not a problem. You’re both dismissed.”, said Robert calmly. Alec spun around and tried to leave as soon as possible but “Mr. Too enthusiastic to exist” caught up with him in the corridor.  
“Hey! Hey! Mr. Lightwood Jr.!”  
Alec turned around, annoyance dripping from his face and his tone “If you ever call me that again, it’ll be your last day on this planet. And why are you so hyperactive and enthusiastic? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Follow me!”  
Alec led Cheery McCheerson towards his cabin. This guy kept on talking all through the way about how he landed the job and how excited he was to start working in his father’s company. So, very clearly, he hadn't taken the hint from Alec’s disgruntled response. Alec opened the door and went to sit in his chair. He thought of shutting the door on this guy’s face but then thought against it. Cheery followed him and took the chair in front of the desk, opposite to Alec.  
Okay, this guy was sort of cute, thought Alec when he was forced to look at him right in the face. But he was too much. It was almost like everyone else existed but he existed a lot more than everybody else. Alec on the other hand existed in negative.  
“Soooo”, the guy said.  
“The work timings are from 9am to 6pm”, began Alec, not paying heed to Hypee McHyperson’s cuteness. He still stared a little, but not too much. Shaking away these intrusive yet secretly exciting thoughts, Alec explained explained everything to him from their responsibilities to the important people in the company. 

Finishing up, he said “We will also have training sessions about technical basics in the evenings from 4:30 to 6. So, please carry on with your duties for the day and I will see you at 4:30pm in Conference Room 6, Mr. ?”  
“Oh! Too big-headed to catch my name the first time, Mr. Alec? I am Raj.”, he said too fast and with a huge, annoying smile.  
“What? NO! I was just...”, he trailed off with only hand gestures in the air to support his retort.  
“Don’t worry. I know you’re the founder’s son! I’ll carry on. See you in the evening.”, Raj said getting up and leaving Alec’s cabin.  
Alec hated him. Not catching a name is a normal mistake, it is not because Alec is too proud or arrogant. What is this guy? Why is he so frustrating? Okay, he was cute but his attitude was something that Alec would never not find annoying. Little did he know that Raj’s infuriatingly wide smile and words that came out at the speed of 60km/hr would become the pioneer of his love life.

And, it happened.  
Exactly 3 and a half months later, Alec was in love with Raj. 

It was too fast to be noticed by anyone but not so fast that Alec wouldn’t know how it happened. Raj was his first love. He saw himself falling in love with this staggering guy who was now the best thing to happen to him, or so he thought. He realized how his heartbeat started picking up every time he saw Raj. He knew he was irretrievably under his spell the first time they kissed just two weeks into knowing each other. It was obviously not a sudden change of heart but it felt like it.  
The first time he realized that he actually might like him was when Raj had helped him out in the tech class. Before that, they had always been competing with each other and so Alec always thought he was just an asshole who wanted to replace him in the company. But that day, when Alec was actually struggling with something, Raj had not made a snarky comment which Alec would obviously have if he was in Raj’s place. He had instead helped Alec through the problem. The very same conversation was also their first real conversation ever. Raj had cleared the air that all the competitive behavior was just in good spirit and he would never dream of taking Alec’s place. He had apologized for making Alec feel insecure. Alec’s heart had turned about 50% then. So, it was sort of a sudden change of heart after all. And then the kiss, that had rocked Alec’s world. They had been working late that night. Alec had gotten both of them snacks from the break room. He was dropping a few packets next to Raj when he slipped, Raj caught him by his bicep and Alec caught Raj’s shoulder to balance himself. They were too close to each other. They had been feeling sparks fly for days now. Both of them thought the other was too cute. And then Alec didn’t understand what had happened but Raj was getting up and touching his lips with his own. Alec’s heartbeat knew no bounds. He felt his heart might just collapse. They broke off after a whole minute, looked at each other and instantly knew it was a start of something. 

It had been 3 and a half months of knowing Raj and 3 months of being in a happy relationship with him when Alec’s world was brutally upended. These months with Raj had been the most erratic time of his life. Raj and their relationship had always kept him on his toes. He was excited almost all the time because of something Raj had either done or said, not Raj’s level of excitement but much higher than his normal. Apart from Izzy, who had sneaked up on them while they were on a date, no one knew about them. So, his parents, completely oblivious to their son falling so hard for his to-be-subordinate had gone ahead and taken his life’s biggest decision.

Alec had been hearing about the Banes since last year. The Banes were his parents’ new friends at the club who had gradually progressed to become their best friends. However, Alec had always made it a point to avoid all social gatherings that his parents engaged in at all times given his contempt for small talk. For this reason he had never met the Banes nor known what they did. He had always been really glad that his parents never forced him to attend any parties but he was devastated over not being able to make an appearance at last night’s event. Because if he had, his life perhaps wouldn’t have taken this shocking turn. If he had been next to his dad when he was fixing his marriage to a stranger instead of cuddling with Raj, maybe he wouldn’t be stuck on a bite of his favorite peanut butter toast trying to process the saddest news of his life.

“Alec! I know it is a big decision but we know what we’re doing” said Maryse in an effort to convince her son. “Magnus Bane is an amazing guy. He is doing very well in his life. He is going to make you happy. You two are a solid match.”  
Alec unfroze and opened his mouth but his dad spoke before him, “Absolutely! We have already met him several times. He is a charming man. Izzy gets along with him very well. You will really like him-”  
“No, Dad! Wait! There is something you guys need to know. I have a boyfriend.”, said Alec with all the calm he could muster. 

Robert and Maryse looked beyond shocked. Alec had always been secretive but they had never imagined him hiding a boyfriend from them. They were supportive parents, the only thing they had asked of all their kids was, not to tarnish their family name and this, this was certainly leading up to that. Robert Lightwood had already given his word to Asmodeus Bane. This was about his pride, his family name and his reputation.  
“What do you mean you have a boyfriend, Alec?” said Maryse, her voice barely above a whisper. She was panicking. She could foresee her child’s looming misery. She knew it in her heart how all of this would play out. It would all either end in Alec’s broken heart or her broken home.  
"I mean that I have a guy in my life who I really like and I am in a relationship with him.”  
“I know what having a boyfriend means, Alec. I am asking you why is he a news to us?”  
A look of realization dawned upon Robert, "I think that’s because he only just likes him. You and your boyfriend are not in love. So-“  
“Dad! No. Oh my god!”, said Alec, covering his eyes and his face with his large hands.  
“Your words, not mine” said Robert raising both his hands in the air as if to surrender.  
“No, dad. You guys,” he looked at his mom and dad with pleading eyes, “please listen to me. I really really like Raj. I think I love him and he may love me too. We just haven’t confessed it to each other. We started dating three months ago. He works in our office, mom.”  
“Wait, Raj Aryan Malhotra? The person we were considering to be your assistant? Alec, What in the world is wrong with you?” shouted Robert. He could barely contain his anger at this point. He couldn't have his first-born courting a mere employee. Moreover, Magnus Bane was the perfect match for his son and he had given his word to Asmodeus.  
“Not assistant, dad! You said second in command. He is going to be my associate but all this does not and should not matter because I love him.” Finally! Alec had said it out loud. He really did love Raj. He didn’t just think so, he was sure he did. He felt a relief like no other. But, he still had to deal with this mess.  
“You don’t love him. It is just an infatuation. You said you liked him not 5 minutes ago. Your feelings are fickle. This is not love, Alec. And he is not worthy of you. You have always been told to not engage with people who are not in our social circles.”  
“I know what you’re implying dad and I need you to stop. You can’t put people down. I am not that person and you should not be, either. Raj is a wonderful guy, you will love him. You and mom should at least meet him, please” Alec pleaded.  
“I will never see that boy’s face again and neither will you. He is fired. How dare he go after my son!?”  
“What do you mean go after me, dad? We love each other. Please stop with all this classism and cynicism. You can’t fire him.”  
“I can and I will. You’re too naive to see through his ways. I am not. You can call me all the -ists you want but you are to not see this boy ever again, Alec. Do you understand?”  
“You can’t control me like that. I am not a child anymore” retorted Alec. His voice nearly breaking with the effort to keep the anger and pain at bay.  
Robert looked offended and Alec couldn't lose Raj because of his temper so he calmed himself down a little and said, “ Please, at least give him a chance. He is worth it. Do you not care about me and my feelings at all?” he was crying. This couldn’t be happening to him. He had started this amazing journey with Raj, only some time ago. He had only just realised he loved Raj. Why were his parents doing this to him? Why could they not see what he really wanted? Why could they not care?  
  
Robert softened a little at the sight of his son’s tears. “Of course I care, Alec. That is why I’m doing this. You are not in love with this guy. It’s just a new adventure but I can see he is not the right fit for you. I don’t want you to regret this later. Magnus is the perfect man for you.”  
“You haven’t even given Raj a chance” Alec said with only a slight amount of determination in his voice. Was he giving up?  
“I don’t need to. Even if he is a good guy and all that you say. I have already given my word to Asmodeus Bane. Now, no matter how nice or in love with you this boy is, I can’t go back on my word. You know what that will do to our reputation and our business. So, if you care about this family, you will not go against me. Is that clear?”  
Alec didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. The tears he was holding back were causing a lump in his throat, choking the words into submission.  
“You can take your time to come around to this. I am moving Raj to our Shenzhen branch. You will get married to Magnus. That is final. We will not discuss this matter anymore.”

Alec needed to get out. He couldn’t be around people. He needed his own space. So he got up and went back to his room. His painful agreement hung in the air.

It was a jarring day for him. His parents had made him realise that he loved Raj and then turned it sour by fixing his marriage to Magnus Bane. As soon as he locked the door to his room, he broke down without turning around. He started sobbing. His sobs were about to become bawls and he was about to turn around and bury his face in his bed when he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a soft, concerned voice called his name. “Alec?”  
He stiffened and tried to control his sobs but it was of no use because as soon as he saw Raj, his tears betrayed him. He cradled himself in his lover’s arms. He hadn’t even told Raj that he was his love. He hadn’t confessed and he had to say goodbye. Alec had no idea how he would get through this, how he would get over his first love. He could hear Raj panicking and asking him what was wrong, stroking his back in assurance.This care and concern were making Alec dizzy with love. Raj was making Alec fall in love with him even more. How could Alec bring himself to break his precious heart? How could he explain this to Raj? What would he say? How in the world could words suffice to convey his dilemma and misery?  
After what felt like decades of Alec’s crying, Raj’s panicking and consoling Alec at the same time; they broke apart.

“Raj, I love you” he was still sobbing but he couldn’t hold it in anymore, not after what he knew was about to happen. It might have been selfish on Alec’s part to confess at this time, when he knew they couldn’t be together, when these words would cause more bad than good but he couldn’t keep it inside him. It was almost like the words were rupturing his organs and he had to get them out in order to avoid organ failure.  
“Is loving me such a bad thing that you’re crying?” said Raj jokingly.  
Alec let out a small laugh and shook his head. How was this man making him laugh at this point?  
“Then what is it, Alec?” Alec knew what to say but didn’t know how. He decided to go into it directly.  
“We can’t be together.”  
There was a scowl on Raj’s face which then morphed into confusion. “WHAT?”, He almost shouted.  
“Shhhh. They’ll hear you.”, said Alec, referring to his parents. Because he knew that if his dad heard Raj in his room, he’d come and do the task at hand himself.  
It was as if the winds and gods were really trying to push Alec in a pit of despair, because they heard the dreaded footsteps on the stairs.  
Raj started panicking, “Oh no! They heard me. Alec, I was just here to pick up my phone. I’d forgotten it last night. I didn’t want to land us in a fix. What do we do Alec? Let’s tell them. No, I am not ready. Plus I can’t meet your parents like this. They’ll think I sneaked in and stayed the night. Look at my hair. It screams sex even though nothing happened. Alec, oh no! Why do I have to mess up everything?”  
“Raj!”, exclaimed Alec to get him to stop talking. Before he could say anything else, they heard the click and the door opened. Alec’s heart dropped at the sight of his father because he knew what was about to happen. His goodbye to Raj just got a hundred times messier.

Robert’s eyes were wide as if in shock but Alec didn’t understand why. He’d just told his dad that he loved this guy, why would he look shocked and not disappointed?  
“You told me about this downstairs, but seeing this is worse than hearing it is...it is-”  
“No, Dad. No. Please don’t finish your sentence. Otherwise, I won’t be able to go through with it” said Alec. He was physically hurting now, his guilt setting all of him on fire. How could he be so terrible? How could he do this to someone like Raj for someone like his father? But it wasn’t just Robert, was it?  
“Go through with what?” said Raj. Alec looked up at Raj, formulating a way to break the news to him in the least painful way. He took a lot of time to respond and both men around him were getting restless.

“Alec is getting married,” declared Robert solemnly. Alec wanted to stop him but he didn’t trust himself, he was too weak to say this out loud so he let his father break his lover's heart instead.

“Woah! What?” blurted Raj, smiling.  
“Not to you!” hissed Robert in a menacing voice.  
That shook Alec out of the trance he was in, the trance of protecting himself; that stopped him from confessing. But now he had to prohibit his father from breaking Raj’s already shattered heart so mercilessly.  
“Dad, please. I got it from here,” said Alec in a determined way. “You need to leave.”  
“Okay, but I need you to know, Raj Aryan Malhotra that you’re being transferred to Shenzhen, China. You’ll get your official letter before lunch today. Don’t look so grim, you are getting a promotion and a raise. I expect you to not create a ruckus and leave by the end of this week.”  
“Enough!” Alec said loudly, turned around and glared at his father, “You can’t buy him, Dad. Please. Leave.” This is my personal business and if you push me, you’ll suffer; left unsaid but was still loud and clear.  
As soon as Robert was out of the door, Alec led Raj to the bed. He made Raj sit on the bed and he kneeled in front of him, taking his hands into his own. Raj looked blown out by shock, he had never seen his boyfriend so quiet. So, he knew the worst was yet to come.  
“Raj, please hear me out. Dad...he didn’t know about us so, last night...he..he fixed my marriage to one of his potential business partner’s son.”  
“Why are you going through with it?” quizzed Raj.  
“Because I need to. This is about my family. It’s not the business I care about. It is Mom...and I hate to admit this but Dad also somewhere. Him and mom have been wonderful parents to all four of us. They accepted me the way I am. I don’t feel guilty about being gay but the kind of conditions they’ve grown up under, it is a big deal. It is for me, at least. There are so many queer kids who go through worse. I’ve been blessed with this wonderful set of parents and I can’t make them suffer. They want to and have to live within these social circles. My father has given his word and if I back out, my entire family suffers. I can’t be so selfish.”  
“And what about me, Alec? Do you not care about me?” Raj asked with a small voice trying to hide the hurt behind a brave face.  
Alec’s eyes moved from Raj’s face to the ground because he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t face this disdain in his lover’s eyes. But he still had to say the painful goodbye.  
“Of course I do. I love you but I also love my family and I have to pick a side.”  
Both of them sat in silence with nothing but their tears for a long time. Neither one was capable of saying anything. And then, Raj pushed Alec’s chin upwards with his fingers to make eye contact. “I am not going to say it back. I feel it but I am not gonna say it because if it is in my head, it is still not entirely real.”  
Alec nodded in understanding. He was all choked up. It was physically impossible for him to get another word out of his throat which was hurting from all the crying.  
“I know it’s not possible but I hope we find each other again in this life to complete our story. I hope against all hope that this is not the end.”  
Alec couldn’t hold the distance anymore. He crossed it and kissed his boyfriend’s lips, pouring all of his hurt inside it. They broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other.

***

Alec was never good at tending his wounds, emotional or otherwise. He had this box inside him, where he would lock away all his guilt, sadnesses and traumas. He had opened this box recently to finally nurse some of his traumas, in order to be a better boyfriend to Raj but now with Raj gone, it only meant that the box was witnessing a new content being added to it. However, it was running out of capacity. With this new trauma being added, Alec was unable to close the box. It had been overflowing since the past two weeks, leading Alec to cry himself to sleep every single night amongst other outbursts that would wreck him to his soul.  
Alec was nowhere near over his love for Raj but he had to go and meet his husband-to-be in five minutes. He was meeting him for the first time but he couldn’t get himself to care about it. He arrived a half an hour early to the cafe they were supposed to meet at because he knew he would have another fit of crying. So, here was, after yet another failed attempt of trying to close his Pandora's box of trauma, washing his face to make his eyes look as less red and swollen as possible. He knew he couldn’t look devastated. He had taken this decision of getting married for his parents’ sake and he would go through with it. Anyway, nobody except Raj and Robert had ever seen a single tear in his eyes, so there was no chance Alec would expose this side of him to a stranger. He would look and behave extremely normal, talk about their wedding and leave as soon as possible. 

Alec heard his name as soon as he sat down at a table for two. He turned around and looked at the man who had called his name. Alec gave the smallest manageable smile to the stranger and put forward his hand, “Magnus?”  
The man nodded and took Alec’s hand, giving it a little yet firm shake, “Absolutely.”  
After sitting down, Alec noticed how unconventional Magnus was. He was wearing makeup and jewellery and carrying it with an ease he had never seen before.  
“Hello! Would you like to order first?” said Magnus leaning on the table.  
“Umm.. Yeah.” Magnus called for the waiter and they waited in an awkward silence.  
The waiter arrived and noted the order of their coffees. Alec ordered the most milkiest and the sweetest latte while Magnus opted for a plain black coffee without any sugar. Their orders seemed extremely ironic to Alec considering the bitterness he was feeling inside that contradicted his drink. This irony probably extended to Magnus as well, considering the excitement he must be feeling to meet his future husband, his coffee order belied his feelings.  
“That kind of a coffee order will kill you. You know, with so much sugar comes a lot of pressure on your heart,” joked Magnus, pulling Alec out of his thoughts.  
Alec gave out a hollow laugh, “Life is quite detestable. I can’t handle anymore bitterness than there already is and my heart is used to pressures of all kinds.” He was shocked at his own words. Why would he say something so tragic and personal to a stranger?!  
“Quite the cynic, aren’t you?”  
“Hmm...not really. You could say I’m in a mood,” said Alec in an attempt to deflect Magnus away from his miseries. “But, umm...let's talk about you. You work with your dad, right?”  
“You did no research about me? I am impressed” said Magnus, bemused.  
“Uhhh...What do you mean?” asked a puzzled Alec.  
“I mean I like that you did not look me up or ask around about me to form an impression of me. I like that you wanted to meet me and see for yourself. No one does that anymore. Everyone wants to believe the word of mouth.”  
“Yeah” said Alec who secretly exhaled a breath. He didn’t find out about Magnus because he really didn’t care, not because he wanted to see for himself but whatever, it worked out for the better.  
“I am a makeup developer. I develop new formulas, products and shades for a few leading brands. What about you?” asked Magnus.  
“I work with my Dad” Alec really didn’t feel like expanding on it. He was back to his grieving and brooding. To his relief, the server arrived with their coffees.

_______

No matter how enamored he was by Alexander Lightwood’s beauty, Magnus had instantly felt something a little off about him. He was a gorgeous man but his eyes were a little swollen and he was not maintaining eye contact at all. He would just look at Magnus in glimpses. Did he seem a little sad? Maybe, but Magnus brushed it off by thinking it was, after all, their first meeting. He couldn’t expect them to be totally comfortable with each other right away.

After a few more moments of staring at his coffee, Magnus started, “I had never thought I would get into an arranged marriage but after a series of bad choices and hurtful break ups, I gave up on trusting myself with this. I thought I’d be okay on my own but dad felt I needed someone and set me up with you.”

It was the truth, not a complete one though. He had left out a lot of painful details. He wanted to get into an arranged marriage because he couldn’t handle being lonely. He, indeed, had had a very hurtful past and he had stopped trusting himself with lovers but being all by himself was his Achilles’ heel. He had said yes to his father because he saw arranged marriage as an opportunity to find his own happiness and a lifelong partner. He trusted his father with picking someone right for him and he would do his absolute best to make this work. He was starting with an empty canvas. He, along with Alec, would paint a beautiful picture on it. He wouldn’t have to be alone.

Alec looked a little sympathetic to what Magnus had said but he didn’t say anything. He just nodded. Magnus was sure that even if Alec seemed dull right now, he would come around and this marriage would be a really wonderful thing for both of them.  
“What about you? Why did you agree to an arranged marriage? I mean it's not a conventional choice nowadays.”, asked Magnus to probe Alec into talking.  
Alec shrugged, “I don’t really know. My parents told me about this and I was okay with it. Listen, let’s talk about the wedding. I am not keen on waiting too long. Let’s just have a wedding asap, yeah?”  
“What? Are you sure? Don’t you not want to meet and get to know me before that?” asked a shocked Magnus who was fairly taken aback by Alec’s forthright manner.  
“No. I mean, we have our whole lives to get to know each other and we have to get married some time or the other so why delay things?” Alec seemed very nonchalant and... confident?  
Magnus was a little taken aback but he was also happy with what Alec had said. He seemed sure and marriage meant something permanent so there was no way Alec was going to leave him.  
“Yeah,okay I am fine with that. When do you want to do it?” said Magnus.  
“Next weekend?” asked Alec.  
“NEXT WEEKEND? Isn’t it too soon? But you don’t want to wait so yeah I am good with it. I can wrap up my projects this week. We can spend the next week prepping,” rationalized Magnus. He was getting married next week. His joy knew no end.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are cherished. :D


End file.
